I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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