I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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