bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
