We're like a lot better than the average bears
I didn't shave. On purpose
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
