I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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