She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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