sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
