I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
