This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
