Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
