i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
