You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
