dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
