and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
