just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
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