i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
