happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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