She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
