so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
