He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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