We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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