Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I'm really busy with my period
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