No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
