from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
