I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
