oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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