just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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