I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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