the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
