Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
