I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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