my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
