i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
