So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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