some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
