She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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