Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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