she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
