We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
