She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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