chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
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