i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
