Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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