After last night, I could never be a politician.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
