I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
