can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
