He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
