My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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