my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
