I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Say something about gay babies.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
