I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
