So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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