I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
