i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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