i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
