____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
