K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize