I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
