I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
