How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
