i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
