hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
