But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
