3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i think my tv is drunk
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Watching her eat just hurts me
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
