I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I want a musical about memes.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
