So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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