Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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